So there is a public health crisis going on. It's all everyone can think about and talk about. Grocery stores have empty shelves, schools are closing, people are told to practice "social distancing". This is the number one event in everyone's lives right now. The world has turned upside down.
Only, maybe not for you. Maybe your world turned upside down a week ago, or a month ago, when you lost your baby. Maybe you're still walking around in a fog and all this COVID-19 stuff is barely even registering with you.
That was me, eleven years ago.
Only, maybe not for you. Maybe your world turned upside down a week ago, or a month ago, when you lost your baby. Maybe you're still walking around in a fog and all this COVID-19 stuff is barely even registering with you.
That was me, eleven years ago.
One thing I keep seeing on social media is people comparing COVID-19 to the H1N1 crisis of 2009. I've been trying to remember that. I vaguely do - I remember the name "H1N1". But I have no recollection at all of how it was handled or even being worried about it.
Do you know why? Because 2009 was the year I had six surgeries, I had three cancer scares, and I lost two babies, including my daughter Naomi when I was nearly 19 weeks pregnant. My memories from 2009 are of significant moments: hearing that I had a tumor in my appendix; hearing a nurse call my husband at work because our baby was being born early; crying in my classroom with a teacher friend; laying on a cold table for a needle biopsy on my thyroid; waking up at 4:00 in the morning filled with regret because I couldn't keep my baby alive.
That year, more than any other, I needed people. I needed hugs. I needed friends who would listen and cry with me. My husband needed people who would bring us meals and check in with him, not just with me. We needed our church. We needed our extended family and times out of the house that weren't medical appointments when we could try to adjust to our new normal.
If we had had to enforce "social distancing" that year, I can only imagine how kind of isolation would have impacted our emotional health.
Now, in 2020, we are up against an unseen enemy, and everyone is learning how to hold one another at arm's length, if not even more distant than that. Self-quarantining, and even community quarantines, are becoming a thing that is a "when" more than an "if". What can you do to help yourself, or those around you, to manage your grief during the next couple of months? These are some things that might help.
If you are a "burden bearer" for someone in the throes of grief, please help them do these things!! Don't become so inwardly focused during this time that you forget your loved ones who need your support!
Do you know why? Because 2009 was the year I had six surgeries, I had three cancer scares, and I lost two babies, including my daughter Naomi when I was nearly 19 weeks pregnant. My memories from 2009 are of significant moments: hearing that I had a tumor in my appendix; hearing a nurse call my husband at work because our baby was being born early; crying in my classroom with a teacher friend; laying on a cold table for a needle biopsy on my thyroid; waking up at 4:00 in the morning filled with regret because I couldn't keep my baby alive.
That year, more than any other, I needed people. I needed hugs. I needed friends who would listen and cry with me. My husband needed people who would bring us meals and check in with him, not just with me. We needed our church. We needed our extended family and times out of the house that weren't medical appointments when we could try to adjust to our new normal.
If we had had to enforce "social distancing" that year, I can only imagine how kind of isolation would have impacted our emotional health.
Now, in 2020, we are up against an unseen enemy, and everyone is learning how to hold one another at arm's length, if not even more distant than that. Self-quarantining, and even community quarantines, are becoming a thing that is a "when" more than an "if". What can you do to help yourself, or those around you, to manage your grief during the next couple of months? These are some things that might help.
If you are a "burden bearer" for someone in the throes of grief, please help them do these things!! Don't become so inwardly focused during this time that you forget your loved ones who need your support!
Reaching out
Viruses don't travel through the internet or telephones. Don't let the need to be "socially distant" keep you completely isolated, especially if you live alone, or if you are a couple without living children. Find someone who can be that person you call or text when you need someone to talk to. Use an online group or forum where others on this journey will walk with you and pray for you. I strongly recommend the Hannah's Prayer ministry forums for this - they were a wonderful, truly life-saving resource for me after we lost Naomi!
Reading
Books and blogs were a source of comfort to me in the early days of my loss. If you are still able to get out, borrow some from your local library, or order some from an online seller. Download them to your phone or tablet. But don't only get books about grief. Also load up on books that are about life outside of your grief. Being home for hours on end makes it easy to focus on nothing but your pain. Have a reading plan that will provide pleasant and healthy distractions as well.
Recreation
Speaking of distractions, think of some things you can do while you are home that are creative and life-giving - a craft, a home project, writing a blog or even a book. I felt lifeless after my losses. I needed to have an outlet for the love I could not give to my baby. New projects were one source of that for me, and there are lots you can do from home.
Self-care
Don't sit around for the next couple of months watching junky TV and eating junk food. Having a loss already can make it hard to take care of your body, and this situation is going to just compound that. Focus on eating healthy meals (yes, I know the grocery stores shelves are emptying, but give it your best shot), taking care of your appearance, and getting some fresh air and exercise everyday, even it is is just opening your windows and letting it into your home (which is also a great way to clear out germs). Do some things that help you feel good about you and that help you move toward healing.
Reaching up
If you have extra time at home, make sure you use it to connect with the Lord. Worship music, Bible reading, prayer - all of these are "means of grace" - the ways God has designed to help us connect with Him and experience his love and grace in tangible ways. It doesn't always feel like it, but He is who you need more than anyone else.
What else?
Do you have other ideas or suggestions? Share them below. And please reach out to me via email if I can pray for or encourage you in any way.
RSS Feed
