I have not written much here lately, although I have been writing - just in other venues. I write a monthly devotional for Glory and Strength, an online webzine. I post various things on Facebook. I write magazine articles and books...in my head, hoping to someday write them down on paper and actually get published. But I want to begin writing here again, even if no one ever reads it but me. :)
Since today is Monday, and I've assigned myself to write on Motherhood on Mondays, I'll start with an update.
I've had a baby.
Seriously. Our son was born over two months ago, and we are head over heels in love. And in awe that God has mercifully allowed us this child-after-loss, this "rainbow baby". My husband never doubted that we would have another child, but I did. I was convinced that L. would be an "only" and I had accepted it in my heart, and begun thinking how to make the absolute best out of that, including starting a website, Uni-Kids for Christ, for those wanting to raise an only child to the glory of the Lord. And for the nine months leading up to his birth, I held my breath, not quite believing that this time would be different.
Now, I'm back to diapering, nursing, and sleeping in shorter stretches than my body would like - and this at the age of 40-something! And I am absolutely loving it.
I love waking up to a baby's cries. I love the smell of baby diapers (yes, really). I love giving my son a bath. I love seeing my daughter hold him and hearing her sing him the songs that we have sung to her since infancy. I love talking with my husband about getting the children (plural) ready for church. I love planning my daily activities and errands around when the baby will be hungry again. I love seeing the pride in my daughter's eyes when she talks with people about her baby brother.
I still have moments of sadness, missing my other babies, especially Naomi. Realizing anew, in the midst of all of the newborn stuff, how much I missed when we lost each of them. But as another friend on this road of loss has expressed it, this blessing, this life, is a balm to my soul.
And I am utterly overwhelmed by this expression of God's mercy and grace.
Would I have been okay if God's answer to the cry of my heart had been a loving, "No, my daughter"? Would He still have been good, and loving, and merciful?
Absolutely.
But thank you, Father, this time, for saying "yes".
Since today is Monday, and I've assigned myself to write on Motherhood on Mondays, I'll start with an update.
I've had a baby.
Seriously. Our son was born over two months ago, and we are head over heels in love. And in awe that God has mercifully allowed us this child-after-loss, this "rainbow baby". My husband never doubted that we would have another child, but I did. I was convinced that L. would be an "only" and I had accepted it in my heart, and begun thinking how to make the absolute best out of that, including starting a website, Uni-Kids for Christ, for those wanting to raise an only child to the glory of the Lord. And for the nine months leading up to his birth, I held my breath, not quite believing that this time would be different.
Now, I'm back to diapering, nursing, and sleeping in shorter stretches than my body would like - and this at the age of 40-something! And I am absolutely loving it.
I love waking up to a baby's cries. I love the smell of baby diapers (yes, really). I love giving my son a bath. I love seeing my daughter hold him and hearing her sing him the songs that we have sung to her since infancy. I love talking with my husband about getting the children (plural) ready for church. I love planning my daily activities and errands around when the baby will be hungry again. I love seeing the pride in my daughter's eyes when she talks with people about her baby brother.
I still have moments of sadness, missing my other babies, especially Naomi. Realizing anew, in the midst of all of the newborn stuff, how much I missed when we lost each of them. But as another friend on this road of loss has expressed it, this blessing, this life, is a balm to my soul.
And I am utterly overwhelmed by this expression of God's mercy and grace.
Would I have been okay if God's answer to the cry of my heart had been a loving, "No, my daughter"? Would He still have been good, and loving, and merciful?
Absolutely.
But thank you, Father, this time, for saying "yes".
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