Ever so often in our Naomi's Circle pregnancy loss support group, we will do something different. One month, we had a dinner for couples and talked about how loss can impact a marriage. In October, we always have a candlelight service to remember our babies in Heaven. In December, we made ornaments in memory of the children no longer with us.
This past month, we had a painting time. The prompt was to paint anything that would represent where you are on your journey now. We did this a couple of years ago, and this is the painting I came up with at that time, and what I wrote about it on Facebook:
"I often see grief like an ocean. Five years ago I felt like I was drowning. Now, most of the time, I am on the shore, but very very aware of other moms who are now where I once was. In the picture I am standing on the shore, tossing them a life preserver of comfort and hope, but willing to wade into the ocean with them if needed. The clouds are dark and threatening, but the sun still shines behind them, reminding me that God is still there in all his goodness, even when our circumstances threaten to hide His face."
This past month, we had a painting time. The prompt was to paint anything that would represent where you are on your journey now. We did this a couple of years ago, and this is the painting I came up with at that time, and what I wrote about it on Facebook:
"I often see grief like an ocean. Five years ago I felt like I was drowning. Now, most of the time, I am on the shore, but very very aware of other moms who are now where I once was. In the picture I am standing on the shore, tossing them a life preserver of comfort and hope, but willing to wade into the ocean with them if needed. The clouds are dark and threatening, but the sun still shines behind them, reminding me that God is still there in all his goodness, even when our circumstances threaten to hide His face."
This year, I took an idea from my friend Jessica, who had painted a beautiful picture of birds on a wire (her family on Earth) watching some birds winging their way Heavenward (her children in Heaven). I wanted the same kind of "family portrait", and this was the result.
I love that there is still room in this to add to the family, whether on Earth or in Heaven (though I pray that we have seen our last loss). And I love the peaceful feel to it, because at this moment at least, I am mostly at peace with our family size. I still long for a third little munchkin running around our home and adding chaos to our days. But today, this moment, I am also content with my lot in life, and I am thankful for that gift. "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance" (Psalm 16:6).
And on the days when I am hurting and discontent (and those days will come, I know), I will look at this picture and know that the lives of all of us are in the hand of the One outside of whose care not one sparrow falls. And we are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31)!
And on the days when I am hurting and discontent (and those days will come, I know), I will look at this picture and know that the lives of all of us are in the hand of the One outside of whose care not one sparrow falls. And we are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31)!
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