The daughter you don't see

I've heard that today is Daughter's Day, and then I heard that it really wasn't. 

Whatever the case, I don't mind an excuse to celebrate the wonderful girl that God has given me, in all of her delightful, determined, independent-but-still-my-baby glory. Not a day goes by that she doesn't amaze me with her insights or questions. She is beautiful inside and out, and constantly drives me to prayer for wisdom as I try to guide her and mother her in a way that will lead her closer to Jesus as she grows up. Because we homeschool, we spend lots of time together both here and outside our home, and it is fun to be seen together and for people to see how we resemble one another.

But there is another daughter people don't see. 

I lost Naomi in my second trimester when my living daughter was just barely a year old. I held her, I kissed her, I dressed her...and then I buried her and said good-bye. And not a day has gone by in over six years that I have not thought of her and wondered what life would have been like if she had lived, and what kind of little sister she would have been.

I've had four other losses since then, babies who flew home too early for me to know if they were sons or daughters, although we've chosen names that go one way or the other. And I miss them dearly as well, but Naomi...well, she was my first to go to Heaven, and the one I held onto the longest, and so has a special place in my heart.

I've also had my rainbow baby since then, a son who resembles his sister so closely that in his babyhood days, you could not tell their pictures apart, and that gives me an idea of what Naomi might have looked like, another curly blond child running around our home. And my daughter has blossomed as a big sister, solving the mystery of what she would have been like with a younger sibling.

But I still wonder. And I miss her. And I think about how life would have been different, if only.

And I celebrate her, because Naomi's life and death ushered me into a club I never would have chosen to join, but having been here for over six years, I also cannot imagine my life without the richness of what I have found here - the courage I have seen, the friends I have made, the lessons I have learned, the faith that I didn't lose, but that grew deeper.

Most of all, I remember. And I hope others will, too. 

Because when you see me with the girl I cherish on earth, the me you see would not be who I am if not for the girl I cherish in Heaven, the daughter you don't see.

And on Daughter's Day (or not), I am ever-so-thankful for both my girls.